Modern Witchcraft…Affordable Rates…At Last!

March 10, 2010

A few years ago I was fooling around with some copy writing and invented a new company, Dunsinane Associates. It was Halloween and the Shakespearean allusion was too good to miss. Here is that copy. I think you’ll agree that such a company is sorely needed.

Dunsinane Associates

Modern Witchcraft for Modern Clients

ש   ╬

~ All the benefits of the ancient arts

Without the smell and guilt ~

Witchcraft has been largely overlooked in today’s Modern World. Overlooked, discarded and abandoned in favor of the seeming efficiencies of technology and logical thought. This is especially true in the world of business. Companies that once secretly or openly resorted to the use of a tax-deductible malicious service have gradually changed tactics and now almost wholly rely on what may be called good luck. The profession of Witchcraft has to assume much of the blame for this. It refused to move with the times; insisting on retaining its frankly rather nasty and smelly uniform; employing only the ugliest candidates for its top positions, and ignoring all the basics of customer service and support.


Dunsinane Associates is the first Dark Arts company to become fully integrated into modern business. Recognizing that in the moral sense nothing has changed in the business community led to the conclusion that a high quality and responsive malicious service with an understanding of 21st century business systems would be a very desirable commodity.


Taking on Dunsinane Associates as your dark partner will almost immediately set your company on a different plane on the road to success. Our customized spells and curses put you in the driver’s seat when it comes to an unseen advantage. We have spent many centuries perfecting all our best and most potent formulations, recipes, curses, spells and maledictions.


We enjoy a very high success rate, and retain customers by delivering everything asked of us. 

Our partners are the best that the darker side has in professional; services. Take a moment to consider some of our most popular offerings: –


v      Malaise of various and sundry forms

v      Spiritual decay and early demise

v      Transmutation., Lizards are our specialty

v      Lassitude and Gender Reversal

v      Portfolio Failure and 401(K) evaporation

v      Amorous rejection and unlikely coupling

v      Uncontrollable flatulence

v      Warts


*New offering for politicians…Speaking the Truth


Please also ask about our domestic programs with special rates for Royalty and other easily mutable forms of life.


Our rates are very competitive and only occasionally involve loss of life or actual soul. We are fully insured and charge only a minimum if our service fails to achieve the desired result.


“I asked for my rival company to become the target of a takeover and sure enough they were bought by a chain of Australian newspapers; thank you Dunsinane!”


Reginald Smallnuts

A former magazine owner


“Now that my elder Brother has become a Chihuahua my life is reaching its full potential, thanks to Dunsinane!”


Johnny Doomed, A very small business owner

Dunsinane Associates

 Dastard Ragwold, Magister

Faustia Grillheart, Transmutrix


Everywhere You Are

Telephone: Birnamwood 3



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